Wednesday, August 09, 2006

the submissive dolly....

i'm in email correspondance with another writer and when in the midst of discussing these 'offers' i keep on getting from guys and the entire submissive aspect of dolls, she managed to sum a really good point which i totally agree with.

"It doesn't mean much if the person submitting to you means nothing to you.. or worse, if you have nothing but contempt for them.

A strong submissive is a good thing.

Not meaning strong in an arrogant or argumenative sense (who wants to always have to wrestle for control?), but in a self-aware, independent sense.

She doesn't *have* to submit to you like some pathetic beaten dog..

she chooses to give up control to a person because she wants to and feels the person is deserving of her.

It's important for someone to feel valued and appreciated even (and especially) when she is being degraded, disciplined, or dehumanized. So that she's not whimpering, but *shining* despite it all.

That's just beautiful. That's something special."

i believe this person has had experience on both sides of the fence too, so uniquely qualified to make this observaton.




FellipeC said...

good good, that is the idea.

Oneeyedjack said...

Hits the nail right on the head.

juliensorel said...

Why do we need to make rules about what doms and subs should be to each other?

I think that if the strong-submissive thing works for the people involved, then it's good. If there's a deeper weakness or dependence, and it works for the people involved, then that's good too.

It's hard enough to know what one really wants, and to find someone else who wants it too, without having to follow someone else's rules.

WinterRose said...

Because there's a difference when it comes to these kinds of thing. You make the rules to set your boundaries, and so that you don't tread on each other's hot-button issues or squicks.

Because you want to be able to be dominant or submissive without having to worry whether or not you're doing more damage than good by enabling a deep self esteem problem or self-destructive tendecy. Who wants to be the instrument of someone's self ruin of you care enough for them to be that intimate?

Before someone dommed me, I would EXPECT a negotiation of our arrangement first. A discussion of hard and soft no's and yes'es. How far we can go with one another, and what we should not do or say to one another that will not only destroy the session in short order, but may even hurt us deeply.

Likewise, a condition of my own before I dommed ANYONE would be that the servant in question was strong enough to ASK for a negotiation like this. Aside from doing me the courtesy of giving me a map to what may be a hidden emotional minefield, it shows me that the person in question is strong enough, personality-wise, to not need me to be the one that validates them as a person, and that they're not going to be high maintenance in a way that I have to be responsible for their well-being OUTSIDE of a session.

Oneeyedjack said...

Very well said Winterrose. I hope Julien and people like him get it now.

Then again, do what the hell you want in your life, I don't have to live it. I've been with submissives both weak and strong and there's no doubt to me which one provides a more fulfilling experience, let alone less headache and hassle.