i had the instructions, the time, the candles and everything. it was all layed out and everthing i had to do was solidly in my mind. i had put my new latex tights on and rested on my bed with the red satin duvet under me to relax for 20 minutes beforehand.
i started exactly on time, lit them all and began the chanting...
it was really very simple series of short sentances but i _kept_ on mixing the order up what ever i did, and instead of visualising the latex tights becoming one with me and changing me i had to concentrate on getting the words in the right order. and i still mixed them up - even going into some sort of free style jazz word poetry improv when i was doing it. over and over, i couldn't get them in the right order for more than a few times.
i haven't sat crossed leg since i was at camp and after 10 minutes my bum and legs started to really hurt and i'd already screwed it up with the words. is it my dyselexia, can i not keep my eyes shut and repeat phrases out loud or what????
i did complete the required 30 minutes but as i had bodged it all so badly and that it had to be done so accurately i gave up in frustration.
i am _so_ hacked off with myself, i wanted to do this so badly it burned and my brain and my but let me down.
maybe there's another way, but then maybe there's no shortcuts and its just a matter of total conditioning....